Archive for November, 2008

By Steve Mills

This is part one of a series about “Going With the Flow”

There is a lot written on personal development blogs about the concept of “going with the flow.” I am sure most Rebel Zen readers have encountered this term many times during their internet wanderings, and that you have heard many different takes on what it means. Here at Rebel Zen, we aren’t ones to get too hung up on definitions. What I am more interested on is different perspectives on the one idea. So in that spirit, here is one take on the idea of “Going with the Flow”

BIG FLOW : Life Flow

We quite often get to a point in our lives where things get out of control. This can be a major source of anxiety and stress for a lot of people, as they feel that they are constantly fighting against the world for control of their situation in life and circumstances.

Others however, learn to “go with the flow.” They realise that you can NEVER have 100% control of your life circumstances, and anything could happen in the next 5 years, weeks, days or minutes which could completely change things.

The metaphor for this is of sitting in a canoe on a raging river. The river is your life, and the direction it flows is the combination of all of the forces and factors of your everyday existence. All is not lost to the hands of fate, because in your hand  you have a paddle. This paddle is your own goals, intentions and actions.

While I cannot, no matter how hard I try, change the way that the water is flowing, I can paddle myself away from obstacles, or learn to turn my canoe in just the right way to avoid capsizing when things get rough.
Along the stream of life there are parts of the river that you want to visit, and parts full of dangers that you want to avoid at all cost.  I have found one of the ways to get a big, powerful paddle is by having a super clear, laser focused direction. Good Old Curlys Law in practice

In order to know which way to paddle, you need to have Awareness of the direction of the stream. Meditation, or taking some time out from the day to day routine is important, as it allows you to detach slightly from the flow of the River of Life,  and stand on the safe river bank.

From there you can look at things in perspective of the greater picture. Step beyond yourself and see how the actions you make today affect tomorrow.

By Seamus Anthony

“Aggh! What’s Wrong With Me?”

Ever asked yourself that? I know I have…

But look – the answer to that question is NOTHING! There is nothing wrong with you dude!
You are a human and humans don’t just feel great all the time – humans feel all kinds of emotions including the unpleasant ones.

Humans make mistakes, they regret their actions, they lose their temper, they get drunk, they spend too much money on stupid things, they hurt themselves and the ones they love.

Normal.

All of this is completely normal and I want you to know right now that you don’t need to be a super-disciplined self-help guru to be happy! You don’t need to try and be perfect – YOU ALREADY ARE PERFECT! Even your so-called flaws, even those things that you want to change about yourself – these things are all perfect. That doesn’t mean you can’t implement positive change in your life – but meanwhile stop giving yourself a hard time, TODAY!

Here is the thrust of Rebel Zen – you don’t have to be an angel to be happy! You don’t have to be some hardcore health-nut to get more out of life via simple meditation and contemporary uses for the ancient philosophies of the East. You can learn simple easy ideas and techniques to be consistently happy for the majority of your life and to be ‘okay with it’ when you’re feeling shit. Full stop.

So You Like To Party – So What?

Most of us know that going full-tilt into a life of non-stop partying and self-gratification doesn’t make you happy – but on the other hand I have come to the conclusion (epiphany more like it) that you don’t need to be the world’s most self-disciplined puritanical yoga health guru to be happy. Forget about it! You’ll just do what I did on-and-off for years and make yourself miserable every time you let yourself down.

Forget expectations of becoming perfect – and realise that you are perfect now!

Warning: This can be hard to do. It’s easy to pay this sort of philosophy lip-service but not as easy to really practice it when the shit hits the proverbial fan…

Perhaps being able to live like this is the definition of enlightenment?

By Seamus Anthony

As you get a little bit older year-by-year you may find that your responsibilities seem to grow and grow, and so too does your desire to meet these responsibilities head on. Which is all very well, and probably for the best, but at what cost to your Inner Child and therefore your happiness and enjoyment of the moment?

When I was in my twenties I didn’t give a stuff about anything I was apparently “supposed” to do and happily left all practical matters to chance in order to give myself the time to enjoy doing the things I wanted to do (from the noble, like create fine music, to the less-noble, which we won’t go into now thank you very much).

Oh … ok, one story of my bad behaviour – but then straight to bed you hear kiddies?

The Other Extreme: Spoiling Your Inner-Child

My Dad went halves with me to buy my first car, nothing flash mind you, but we both put in $750 each which was a lot of money for both of us. I had an awesome time in my little run-around, flying all over town whooping it up, but after a year or so it started crying out for a bit of TLC. It needed oil and a tune-up, but that was far too bothersome for my 21 year old mind to focus on, so I just drove that baby right into the ground. I will never forget the noises it used to make as you turned a corner: some very disturbing, dry grinding sounds would emanate from the engine, along with a little black smoke and a worrying perfume.

Then the poor old thing just wouldn’t start one morning so I swore, shrugged and caught a bus, leaving the car in the driveway to sort its own problems out.

About six months later my folks came for a rare visit to our share-house (bomb-site more like it) and my dear old Pa just about had a heart attack when he saw what appeared to be the roof of a car poking out from amongst a particularly impressive weed patch.

Needless to say he never gave me money for a car again.

Inner Children Need Love Too

Well fast -forward fifteen years and while I am certainly no saint, I am far more responsible. And so I should be; I have a (real) child to bring up after all.

But while when I was younger I was far too obsessed with spending all my time engrossed in creative and fun activities, these days I have to watch that I don’t swing to the other extreme and just spend all day and most of the night grinding through “important” task after task at the expense of being creative for the hell of it. I need to remember that I actually have two children to look after; it’s just that the one inside my heart isn’t as persistently vocal about getting the attention it craves!

For sure, some of my tasks are inherently fun, and I am working very hard towards earning a full-time living doing stuff that I either enjoy or at least don’t despise, but nevertheless, I now find it very hard just to pick up my guitar and strum away for an hour or two for no immeditate purpose or gain other than creative enjoyment. I do it, but not as often as I used to, and not with as much guilt-free abandon as I used to.

And this is sad.

Why? Because if we don’t allow the Inner Child in us to have free reign over our time on a regular basis, then it will only lead to misery and premature aging. I am sure of it.

I am writing this now because as well as currently feeling a very strong need to set new stretch-challenges for myself (see this post, which I will be writing an update on soon) I am also feeling a strong calling to allow myself more time to enjoy doing creative things purely for the sake of it, just because it is what I most love to do.

Of course being creative is just my way of having fun; your Inner Child might prefer to take you skydiving or down to the water to catch a delicious Bass but I think that as the world constantly bombards us with messages of fear and worry about money and security, that it’s really important to leave it all in the office on a regular basis and just have some carefree fun.

It’s not a revolutionary concept, I know, but – damn – it’s an easy one to let slide ain’t it?
Click here to get your free eBook by me about how Curly’s Law can help you get it together and get rich, happy, sexy, whatever you want.

By Seamus Anthony

Should you strive to change your habits, your circumstances, your whole life?

Or should you enjoy increased inner-peace by accepting who you are right now, unconditionally so you can relax and enjoy the moment?

I find life to be a constant tension between these two approaches, and I can’t help but notice that in what we loosely call the “personal development” field there are many pushers of both ways towards inner satisfaction.

I have for a while now leaned heavily in favor of the “Zen” path of warts-and-all self-acceptance of yourself and have been scornful of the Tony Robbins “go-get-em-tiger” school of hyped up motivation and the “follow-these-sacred-rules-and-kiss-my-Guru-ass” schools of overtly serious and holy spirituality.

That’s the attitude we founded Rebel Zen on: a different, down-to-Earth, street-savvy approach to Enlightenment and Worldly Success – and God help us if we ever lose sight of this mission because in my opinion it’s what is sorely needed.

BUT…

The other night I was awake at about 4 in the morning and a thought struck me like a punch in the face.

As I sat there next to the cot, trying to coax my little 1 year old daughter to go back to sleep, my mind was racing through things in a semi-conscious way and I suddenly realised that if I kept going down the path I am on, of comfortable self-acceptance, then I am quickly going to turn into on of those mouldy middle-age dudes who is stuck in a nice comfortable rut and has lost his edge.

What I mean by this is – unless I decide to change some things then, while the good things in my life will probably stay good (and there is plenty of that for which I am infinitely grateful), the BAD stuff will GET WORSE.

Example: I don’t exercise enough and my pot belly is inching its way forward day-by-day and my muscles are fading bit-by-bit. And that shit don’t get better – it gets WORSE.

Example: I STILL haven’t learned to speak French very well even though my partner and her family speak it around me all the time and we want our children to speak it also. And that shit don’t get easier – it gets HARDER.

And there are more examples, but that will suffice for now!

Why Do You Read Personal Development Stuff?

Is it because you want drastic change in your life or because you want to learn how to be happy now as you are?

In my case, more than ten years ago, I got into meditation and personal development because I desperately needed to change my ways and figure out “what it’s all about”. Once I had tempered my self-destruction a fair bit and developed a model of the Meaning of Life (links to my old model which needs a revamp as according to this post here) I then stepped into a different mode, the above mentioned mode of just chillin’ and accepting myself as being perfect even though I am human and regularly fuck things up and then some. (I have, as you can see, learned a little French at least!)

It’s a Yin Yang Thing

It probably won’t blow your mind to hear me say that I reckon we need a bit of both in life, we need to strive to achieve and meanwhile we need to accept our lot as is, be grateful for the gifts we enjoy and be happy now. But the Yin Yang model isn’t about just hovering in a static place in perfect balance, it is about moving through different ratios. A good example of what I mean is day and night: at one point of the 24 hour cycle it is brightest, at another it is darkest, and during the rest of the cycle we are bathed in degrees of light and dark mixed together.

So what I am getting at is sometimes we need to swing to extremes and there is nothing wrong with this. My friend and Rebel Zen business partner Steve, calls it ‘Dynamic Balance’. He is a classic for it, sometimes he won’t write a post here for months because he is immersed in another project. Then when it’s done he moves back into a more generalist space.

The reason for this long-winded post is that I have come to the realization that I need to move into an “extreme” phase now. A period of Striving for Big Changes. It’s just what I need to do and to be honest I am a little scared because it means I am going to set myself up for possible failure.

To add an extra element of craziness to the mix, I am going to document this process here at Rebel Zen. I have no details yet, but hopefully it will be of benefit to you and your progression through this kooky old life. Meanwhile let’s just finish off with a quick look at the two polar dynamics of personal development:

Striving and Self-Acceptance

There are certainly advantages and disadvantages to both extremes…

Striving – the Pros

• Can result in lasting change for the better
• You CAN be healthier, richer, happier, more productive, a greater contributor to the problems facing society than you are now
• and such success CAN bring you increased enjoyment of life
• Tomorrow DOES come and the seeds you sow today … you know the rest

Striving – the Cons

• Can set you up for failure and disappointment
• Can lead to unhealthy obsession and alienate you from your family and friends
• Can distract you from enjoying the moment and being happy now (’now’ being the only reality you will ever actually experience)
• Can bring negative effects of stress into your life, eg. reduced immune system functionality

Self-Acceptance – the Pros

• Can be a huge weight off your shoulders
• That allows you to Just Be Happy Now (no mean feat)
• Gives you a lightness of heart and a self-confidence that is a pleasure for yourself and others to behold
• Attracts luck your way because your positive vibes make people want to work with you and help you
• Helps others because you stop focusing on your own perceived problems and start reaching out with compassion

Self-Acceptance – the Cons

• you run the ‘danger’ of becoming stuck in your own self-satisfied rut, i.e. you can become very mouldy
• you may actually only be so full of self-acceptance because you live in a very sweet situation day-to-day. Therefore if the shit hits the fan, will your enlightened state persevere or will you succumb to stress, self-pity and fear?
• You may be underestimating yourself and settling for a lesser contribution to society than you could be making
• You may be deluding yourself – you may in fact have actually given up on your dreams and are masking your own deep, sad sense of disappointment in yourself and life with a veneer of false self-satisfaction.

Well that’s all for me for now but this is certainly the beginning of a series of posts exploring these themes and setting myself up for some kind of public challenge.

What are your thoughts on these ideas?

I have just posted an article over at People Jam about how you can use meditation and self-awareness to help you survive the inevitable craziness that happens between now and New Years.

The Self-Aware Silly Season

Enjoy your weekend – I’m off to drink beer! Ha!

Seamus Anthony

By Séamus Anthony

A short, sharp shock here and there, even an unpleasant one, can be a very powerful motivator. If you let go of your naturally defensive reactions and ‘look for the gift’, you may just find that the situation brings unexpected rewards.

The other evening I was walking to a party with some friends when I was very nearly hit by a moving car. It was traveling at a fair whack, and I would say it most likely would have been curtains for me had I been struck.

I didn’t even see it – I was jaywalking in front of some cars that were idling at the intersection and I didn’t realise that the left-turn arrow was green. The car was rushing to make the lights, and the first thing I knew about it was the sensation of something very large passing very quickly very close to my backside. My friends hollered at me to be careful, and the car pulled over. The young lads in it gave me some lip about watching where I was walking. They were rightfully angry; I wasn’t using my head (it was in the clouds).

So there you have it – one minute I was fine, the next … well, happy to say, I was still fine. But it was the first reminder I’ve had in while as to the fleeting nature of our existence, our inevitable impending demise.

Uh-huh, I’m talking ’bout the D-word, baby!

I first started meditating after reading a book that urged the reader to consider carefully the unavoidable – death, and the unpredictability of its timing. This is a basic Buddhist premise; the Dalai Lama is forever urging us to sit down and meditate before it’s too late – but at the time it was quite a shock to me. I was 26 years old and had spent my youth barreling around like a bull at a gate. I was utterly convinced that I was a superman who could ‘go hard’ forever without having to suffer any consequences.

Being challenged to consider my mortality was like a slap to the face. It changed my life. I had deliberately (sub-consciously) been avoiding the topic, and the tool we have for dealing with it – spirituality – but I suddenly knew it was time to face my inner-world. I sat on a cushion, the rest is history.

It is important to note that facing up to your mortality isn’t about learning to fear death. It is actually about ‘un-learning’ to fear it. It’s about recognising that the reason we avoid the topic, why we push it from our minds, is because we have lost touch with our spiritual core. We become over-identified with our ego, and thus adopt the ‘survival at all costs’ mentality that the ego naturally holds. Our ego is supposed to fear death – that’s its job – but we are wise to get in touch with our spiritual core and therefore remember that, in the end, death is nothing to fear.

I think that the car just missing me the other day was a small reminder to stop being so obsessed with my goals and plans for the future, to remember to ‘be here now’.

Because now is all we have.

Wise man says nothing

Whether life threatening or not, there will always be surprises in our life, some pleasant, some not. How we deal with the unexpected is the question. Great personal growth can come of sudden unexpected adversity, but there is also the chance that we may let the situation get the better of us – sometimes for years.

The trick is to let go.

I was once unexpectedly trounced by a large, angry man. It is arguable that I didn’t help the situation by responding to his provocation, but I certainly didn’t deserve the savage beating that ensued. I wound up in hospital for two days with, amongst other lesser but still painful injuries, a broken nose and cheek, a cauliflower ear, and a thoroughly mashed eyeball.

It was distressing to say the least.

At first I felt outraged. When not fantasising about the beating I wished I had given him, I was formulating plans to sue the pants off of the guy.

Meanwhile, I was told to take a month off work, which wasn’t too bad because I really hated my job. My family took me in to help me through the experience, setting me up on the sofa bed in front of the wide screen TV, and pampering me with cups of tea and snacks. That was nice. Much nicer than the damp, cramped shed in the dog-poo littered back garden of a filthy share house that I was roughing it in at the time.

My new girlfriend came to stay with me. This ended up being a fantastic opportunity to get to know each other away from the ordinary day-to-day scenarios, and to realise that we were soul mates. I stopped moping about my ‘problems’ and instead saw what a beautiful, caring and unassumingly wonderful woman I had been lucky enough to find. This was five years ago, and I am pleased to report we are still together and happy now.

Before the assault, I had been struggling to adjust to a painful relationship break-up and the post-overseas-travel-blues. When I got a thrashing heaped on top of that, my first reaction was to bemoan my escalating bad luck. But as I spent time with my new girl and my caring family, I realised there was plenty in my life to be grateful for.

I decided to forgive my attacker, and to focus on the positives. I realised that I had, with my talent for winning verbal battles (and subsequent eagerness to get in them), been in danger of falling foul of a violent man for years. Not that this by any means justifies my attacker’s actions, but nevertheless (as my oldest mates will testify) there was a lesson to be learned there, and after multiple close calls, the universe had simply caved in to my ‘asking’ to be taught the hard way. It’s good to stand up for yourself; but sometimes it’s wiser to shut up and walk away. I have made concerted efforts to do this ever since!

So a short, sharp shock here and there, even an unpleasant one, can be a very powerful motivator. If you let go of your naturally defensive reactions and ‘look for the gift’, you may just find that the situation brings unexpected rewards.

Just a quick post to point you to my latest article over at The Change Blog: A 7 Step No-Waffle Plan for Real World Success.

The hits just keep on comin’

Cheers,

Seamus Anthony

I have a new post about how to be a rock star over at PickTheBrain.com – actually it is more a list of some different strategies for success, but that doesn’t sound anywhere near as interesting does it?

Click here to read the article.

Cheers,

Seamus Anthony

P.S. if you the article inspires you to listen to my music please do. Go here to check out my latest sounds at myspace, here to buy the disc, or here to buy it on iTunes. And finally here is the myspace page for my ’90s band I was rambling on about in the post.

By Steve Mills

You can learn a lot about life from reading and listening to the life stories of others. I love biographies, to see how my personal hero’s have structured their lives. The struggles they have faced, strategies they have used and the way that they have structured their lives in order to do what they love every day. The insight gained from looking at the place where people have started their life journey, and the steps they have taken to get to their goals is extremely valuable, like the condensed experience of every year of their life, put into the few hours it takes to read the book.

While it is important to use biographies and stories of success to learn and motivate us, there is one thing to be wary of. That is using the circumstances of others as excuses for not taking action ourselves. In the past I have caught myself, after reading about another self made billionaire, thinking things like “If only I got that big break then my life would be different” OR “if I didn’t have all of these responsibilities then I would have time to plan for success.”

This has lead to periods of inaction, or for settling for life circumstances that are less then favourable because I didn’t feel that I had the resources or advantages that others may have earned or been given by fate. I am now the first to admit that when we compare our life circumstances with other people, and then use the differences as excuses, we are entirely missing the point.

It is not that important to get hung up on the facts, but more to take the broad lessons of another’s life experience, and then apply them to your current life and dreams. Sure, your hero may have been a millionaire by 25, and you are close to pushing 40. Does that mean that you are in any less of a position than them? No, it just means that you have walked a different path, a unique experience that is the most valuable thing that you could possibly possess.

Sure, some of your idols may have been overnight successes, or been given a massive “lucky break”, but in general they were people just like you, following an inner urge to do their own thing, and not be confined by the rules of others. Don’t get caught in the game of looking for reasons why your life structure is less than ideal and stopping you reaching your goals. Look to see the advantages and benefits that are unique to you and give you an advantage. Always look to make small gains every day, and utilise the resources at hand as fully as possible.

If an interest in deeper spirituality has taught me anything in my life, it is that each of us must walk their own path towards their own truth.
We are here in this life as individuals so that we can learn and explore a way of living and a path to fulfilment that is unique.